April 23, 2013

  • Update

    This is an update on John's health.  I am his daughter Nancy.  A week ago, a neighbor alerted me that the police and animal control were responding to some sort of wildlife event.  I rushed to his apartment to help, only to find John in a chicken costume ranting about the "goddamn fascist pecking order."

    The police seemed rather confused, and I had no explanation to offer, except to plead with them to put away their taser guns.  Which they finally did.  He knows very well that he will answer to me later.

    At present he is heavily sedated in a secure care facility, and not for the first time.  What did I do to deserve this?  Why does he hurt me this way?  If he's not being locked away as the Queen of England, he's a Viking warlord, or yes, a chicken.

    On another occasion John really did manage to get himself tased.  The policewoman found him dressed as a camel, and he leaned over and loped toward her as if he were indeed the desert beast.  “I’m a camel!” he screamed. “I’m a camel!"  Removing his costume, he shrieked, "Hump me! Hump me!”  It did not turn out well.

    The drugs do not always work. I remember finding him on his knees in the darkness outside the care facility, apparently trying to choke himself with his own hands.  But when I grabbed him, he said he was trying to un-screw his head from what he called his “neck-pipe,” so he could “check the wiring” in his own brain.

    I know John has friends here in Xanga.  We all hope for a recovery.  Please leave a get-well note for him to read when he is better.

    -Nancy

     

     

Comments (9)

  • hahaha

    brilliant

    sorry for laughing, nancy, but you have one weird motherfucking dad

  • I will look for you next time I am visiting family there. Should I bring a pint or something?

  •  At first I was not sure, but when I came to the end, I understand why John is trying unscrew his brains... He needs it done from time to time.

  • So sorry your dad's not doing well -- will keep him in my thoughts and hope for a speedy recovery!

  • We are very lucky that the head screwed on to his neck pipe is childproof. Also, I am pretty sure his inner child is either a camel or a chicken. This is just something we have to except. The Queen of England is odd, but I hear she likes to astral project herself into other people's bodies.

  • I have a bald spot from scratching my head on this one...I hope he's ok.

  • I am never surprised by the diversity of human behavior

  • @bonmots -  Good news.  I am recovered now.  It's a fucking miracle!

    @AMIGOS_WE_THREE - We're kind of low on chicken feed.  Bring suet and seeds.

    @angys_coco -  ha ha well done

    @Erika_Steele - Your comments are always more entertaining than the blog itself.
    @godfatherofgreenbay -  He is better, thank you man.  I've never written a hoax-blog before.  It's not easy.  It doesn't work unless it is completely preposterous.  Next time I do this, I'll be sure to include, I don't know, dinosaurs and alien abductions.  This time maybe I erred on the side of plausibility.

  • Well with me, you are in luck. My chickens, of which I have over 5000 eat more than 2K a week in food. I will scrape up a bag or two for you.

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