December 13, 2015
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a writing primer
Express Yourself Concisely
- Eliminate redundant pairs
- Delete unnecessary qualifiers
- Identify and reduce prepositional phrases
- Locate and delete unnecessary modifiers
- Replace a phrase with a word
- Identify negatives and change them to affirmatives
Mark Twain knew something about writing. He also WROTE a good deal about writing.-
"With a hundred words to do it with, the literary artisan could catch that airy thought and tie it down and reduce it to a . . . cabbage, but the artist does it with twenty, and the result is a flower."
INCORRECT:
Donald Trump has long been regarded as a political meatball, moreover, it is said that his high-volume speeches are delivered, even shouted, in a feral manner. Mr. Trump announced the publication of his new book today.
CORRECT:
Feral shouting meatball Donald Trump announced the publication of his new book today.
BETTER:
Raccoon-eyed screaming rubber chicken Donald Trump announced the publication of his new book today.
BETTER:
Orange wolverine-shaped hot air balloon Donald Trump announced the publication of his new book today.
BETTER:
Bizarrely coiffed orange pseudo-Scot Donald Trump announced the publication of his new book today.
BETTER:
Self-righteous misguided delusional egomaniacal asshole Donald Trump announced the publication of his new book today.
BETTER:
Rich douchebag with cheetos hair style soon to be killed by a drug lord he claimed to be able to kick the shit out of Donald Trump announced the publication of his new book today.
BEST:
Gelatinous cartoon slumlord and narcissistic vulgarian, who took a massive dump on the electoral process, Donald Trump, announced the publication of his new book today.WHERE CAN I FIND THESE DESCRIPTIONS?
The adjectival phrases have become more or less standard in comedy sites such as Buzzfeed, Urbandictionary, Comedy central, gallery of the absurd, and twitter. The first entry, "feral shouting meatball," is due to Chris Hardwick in @Midnight. Hardwick is also responsible for:
Jingoistic bullfrog Donald Trump
Luminous marmoset Donald Trump
Constipated cheeto Donald Trump
The angriest pumpkin Donald Trump
Orange yelling machine Donald Trump
Fancy deli meat scupture Donald Trump
The larval stage of a yam Donald Trump
The magnificent orange one Donald Trump
Narcissistic human airhorn Donald Trump
Tangerine covered in cobwebs Donald Trump
Living Donald Trump caricature Donald Trump
The douchebag infested hairpiece Donald Trump
corn husk doll cursed by a witch Donald Trump
Dissonant bagpipe powered by farts Donald Trump
Orange condom filled with rancid stew Donald Trump
New Jersey shore ventrilloquist dummy Donald Trump
America’s No. 1 racist Donald Trump fan Donald Trump
The tweeting hole not to be confused with Donald Trump
Residential candidate and cranky planetoid Donald Trump
As big as an orangutan and casino mismanager Donald Trump
Xenophobic sweet potato and wispy human queef Donald Trump
Tangelo fruit rollup stretched over cat litter Donald Trump
Shrieking buffalo wing that fell into a urinal Donald Trump
Hotel magnate and bloated jack-o-lantern in a suit Donald Trump
(See the video compilation)Finally, Jon Stewart remarks,
"They’re all very colorful characters, but for me there can be only one F*ckface von Clownstick.".
Comments (4)
May I assume you're not a fan? Or worse, you're a registered republican, horrified at the thought that your grand old party might just run him for president. Now wouldn't that level the playing field! Bernie Sanders is salivating.
I see you've found the fundamental flaw in Fuckface von Clownstick's strategy -- he is going to wreck the republican party for decades to come. Well done.
Can you hear me laughing, clapping, and cheering for you? Thank you for this post.
We can be grateful for his -- I was going to say sense of humor, but he doesn't have that -- for his complete lack of irony. What a funny guy.
Comments are closed.