February 7, 2016

  • When Ted Cruz lies


    "For months I sensed vaguely that Ted Cruz reminded me of someone, but I couldn’t place who it was."


    "Revelation has arrived: Ted Cruz resembles the Bill Murray of a quarter-century ago, when he played fishy, mock-sincere fakers.  No one looked more untrustworthy than Bill Murray.  The difference between the two men is that the actor was a satirist."

    by David Denby in The New Yorker, Ted Cruz: The Mask of Sincerity

    "When Ted Cruz lies, he appears to be praying. His lips narrow, almost disappearing into his face, and his eyebrows shift abruptly, rising like a drawbridge on his forehead into matching acute angles.  He attains an appearance of supplication, an earnest desire that men and women need to listen, as God surely listens."


    Now that Ted has been caught red-handed stealing a victory in Iowa, he is no longer a serious force in presidential politics.  An ex-college roommate in Princeton says,

      "And you know, I want to be clear, because Ted Cruz is a nightmare of a human being.  I have plenty of problems with his politics, but truthfully his personality is so awful that 99 percent of why I hate him is just his personality.  If he agreed with me on every issue, I would hate him only one percent less."   - Craig Mazin


    “What if I got my puppy from a breeder in Canada?” A small child asked in the crowd.

    “Great question!” Cruz said with a knowing smile.  He tried to tossle the boy’s hair but the child recoiled in horror from his touch.  “I’d kill him!”

    “What??” The boy said his eyes watering up.  “You’d euthanize my puppy?”

    “Oh no!” Cruz said with a laugh.  “I wouldn’t euthanize him because we need to save those drugs for the human criminals.  What I’d do is I’d take his tiny little adorable puppy neck in my fist like this...” Cruz then pulled out a golden retriever puppy that he inexplicably had in a Knapsack at his feet.

    “And then I’d look into his loving eyes.” The puppy licked Cruz’s hand.

    “And I’d squeeze squeeze squeeze REALLY tightly until all the life drained out of him.” He demonstrated this as the crowd sobbed silently knowing if they spoke out, they’d be next.

    “That help?” Cruz then tossed the lifeless puppy at the traumatized boy and giggled. 

    “Now that’s what I’d do to the dog -- something real gentle because it didn’t have any choice in coming.  But a person...that’s another story.  You do NOT want to look in my basement is what I’m saying.”



Comments (4)

  • Totally off-topic but u should check this out if you haven't read this yet.


    • ha ha you and your tabloid sites!  We used to get these stories in the supermarket mags "Headless Body in Topless Bar" Now we just go to the internet.  Happy Valentines Day, I love you.  Stay warm.

  • Just wondering how to parse "This story is perhaps untrue". But overall an awesome post, Mr. J;
    I missed a lot while chalking around Xanga as a dead body. The dead awaken? Who knoweth?
    As to candidates: who decided that someone careful, calm, fairly wise, and progressive (such as moi?) doesn't, like, deserve a candidate he can even stand to stand behind?
    Ok, to be fair, there *have* been election years when I was 100% for someone. I still have, in the attic, my clip-on 'I Like Ike' button. Ah, the good olde days.

    • Right, thanks. The puppy story is true in that Cruz squeezed the puppy REALLY tightly until all the life drained out of it. It happened (probably) (possibly).

      Listen, I'm real proud of my latest zika pictures (February 26, 2016), and I believe they need to go viral. You must help me propagate em. Thanks.

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