Month: November 2015

  • So we beat on, clown cars against the current

      "We need to look at fresh ideas.  I don’t have any problem with the Palestinians having a state, but does it need to be within the confines of Israeli territory?  Is that necessary, or can you sort of slip that area down into Egypt?"


    "He doesn't stand behind his comments on sliding Palestine down into Egypt," a Carson spokesperson told ABC News. "After all, what would you do with Egypt?  You can't just slip it down into Botswana, since the mountain gorillas would go extinct.  It was a mistake on his part and he clearly wasn't really thinking it through."

      "Obamacare is the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery. In a way, it is slavery, because it is making all of us subservient to the government.”

    "He does not believe the Affordable Care Act is anything like slavery," a Carson spokesperson told ABC News. "He was rather thinking of Sarah Palin, whose pregnant children are now all subservient to the government."


  • Jim Murray has tasted over 4,500 whiskies

    How do I get a job like that?

    This year a Canadian whiskey was awarded the title Best in the World in Jim Murray's Whiskey Bible (Link to article in  The winning Whiskey is named Crown Royal Northern Harvest Rye. "To say this is a masterpiece is barely doing it justice," Murray said in a news release, adding that it takes rye to "new heights of beauty and complexity."

    The Scots are not happy.

    Crown Royal Northern Harvest Rye
    Nose: Baked apple, Cereal, Light wood spices
    Palate: Custard creaminess, Candy sweetness, Oak spice, Vanilla
    Aftertaste: Smooth and creamy
    90% rye whisky, 90 Proof, Price: $27.95

    You can pay a lot more if you like.  There are aged scotches in Ireland and Japan priced at $2,000 or more.  But they're not the Best in the World.

    Here are the five best in 2016 according to Murray:

    1. ​Crown Royal Northern Harvest Rye (Canada) - $27.95 a bottle
    2. Pikesville Straight Rye (USA) - $35.63 a bottle
    3. Midleton Dair Ghaelach (Ireland) - $282.49 a bottle
    4. William Larue Weller Bourbon (USA) - $46.09 a bottle
    5. Suntory Yamazaki Mizunara (Japan) - $54.47 a bottle

    Who is this Murray guy?  And what is this Bible about?  According to -- which could never be accused of bias --

      Jim Murray is a legend and a leading player on the world's whisky stage. In his continuous thirst for knowledge and desire to stay at the very top of his subject, he has almost certainly visited more distilleries and tasted a higher number of different whiskies than anyone that has ever lived. The Whisky Bible is unrivalled in its authority and is an invaluable source of reference to the consumer, the whisky industry and the drinks trade alike. It has now sold over more than a third of a million copies worldwide.

    I plan to try it as soon as possible.  I am guessing it will be sold out in local stores for a while.

    Edit: I found the Crown Royal Northern Harvest Rye in my local supermarket.  World's best whiskey?  It's pretty good, but well ... it's not great.  You might call it a sipping whiskey.  One small mouthful is aromatic, and the flavor stays with you for several minutes.


  • culture war?

    The Paris attack, says John Oliver,

      was carried out by gigantic fucking assholes.  Unconscionable flaming assholes, possibly working with other fucking assholes, definitely working in service of an ideology of pure assholery.  Second, and this goes almost without saying, fuck these assholes. Fuck them, if I may say, sideways.  And third, it is important to remember, nothing about what these assholes are trying to do is going to work.  France is going to endure.

    La France c'est le pays le plus civilisé du monde.

    I know something about France.  You know something about France.  Challenging France to a culture war is a losing proposition.  They have the best food, right?  The best literature, best fashion, best wine, best language, best philosophy.  Ask any Frenchman.  You will not win a culture war with France.


    I will add that I feel rather lucky that I do not live in New York or DC.


  • You Can't Make This Stuff Up

    It is not enough to say this guy is revolting. He is that, yes, but he is also pristine. There is a terrible perfection in his girlish shrieking. I've never seen anything like it. I hate to admit it, but I wanna repent right now. I wanna convert! I wanna dance the jesus minuet naked with him in the pale moonlight. Oh yeah.

    Pastor Kevin Swanson became a player in the Republican nomination pageant when he introduced Ted Cruz, Huckabee, and Jindal in the National Religious Liberties Conference in Des Moines, just before the last debate. Interviewed later, the candidates all said they did not know the pastor's message. They did not know, for example, that Swanson is deliriously anti-gay.

      At the entrance of the church I’d sit in cow manure and I’d spread it all over my body. That’s what I would do. And I’m not kidding. I’m not laughing. I’m grieving! I’m mourning! I’m pointing out the problem! It’s not a gay time! These are the people with the sores! The gaping sores!

      That is not a nice thing to do! Don’t you dare carve happy faces on open, pus-y sores! Don’t you ever do that! Don’t you ever do that! I tell you don’t do it! America needs to hear the message. We are messed up.

    You can't make this stuff up.


  • Click Bait Continued

    Science Finds New Uses For Old People
    They're slow.  They're useless.  They drive with their blinker on for hours.  Caution is recommended because they possess a superpower known as Blab Attack, although it is easily combated by socking them in the jaw.  Old people do have a sense of humor, but only after you explain the joke to them in painstaking detail, by which time they've already nodded off or started ranting about Hillary's emails.

    Obama To Be Deported By Obama
    "We are the only developed country," says President Obama, "that allows its citizens to own assault weapons.  We sanction capital punishment.  We lack a universal health care.  The price of a college education is too high for our young people.  Things are more civilized in Denmark."
    With this remark, Obama took the hint and bought a plane ticket to Denmark for himself, his family, Bernie Sanders, and the other Democratic candidates.

    Hordes of Wet Lesbos Overrun Greek Island
    From Syria, by way of Turkey, mobs of butch bagel bangers and carpet munchers arrive in tiny dykey boats with their insatiable yearning to bump donuts.  Makeshift refugee camps have been established, but Greek authorities are still struggling to cope with the number of frisky sapphists.

    Hillary Jailed For Not Being Fun
    "I enjoy fun," the candidate objected. "I both have fun and can be fun.  Fun is something I often have.  Furthermore, as indirect evidence of the fact that I have a fun disposition, I do not like things that are not fun.  I appreciate fun when I encounter it, and I have even been known to partake in activities that produce fun for myself and others." Hillary is Fun

    Sooner or Later You Will Be Drugged and Raped by Bill Cosby
    There is no way to avoid it.  "I found myself groggy on the floor," says long-time business associate Hugh Hefner, "with a mouth full of quaaludes.  The next thing I remember is being hustled into a taxi and driven half naked to the Playboy Mansion.  Which as far as I know is the same place I was drugged.  Oh wow, man."