I. The Mayor of Toronto

Rob Ford is portrayed as The Blob.  Every satirical cartoon that can be drawn about him will be drawn about him.  He and brother Doug are described as a Canadian Soprano family, given to crack smoking, oxycodone, weed, drunk driving, and hookers.  The mayor even used cocaine while eating poutine, which is clearly an insult to poutine, or to cocaine, or to both.  Rob insists that he never said to a staff member that he wanted to "eat her pussy" -- and while this may be true, we do not want politicians to talk like this.

Click to expand this photo.  The Toronto City Council is shown turning their backs on Rob Ford, shown at top right in his underwear.

 

 

II. Your Banksy Street Art of the Day

 

 

III. An earlier self portrait proving that I used to have hair.

 

 

The Miss Universe contest in Moscow was won by Gabriela Isler of Venezuela, shown here in traditional ethnic garb.
Gabriela Isler

Whether this is an authentic, folkloric costume of Venezuela is somewhat open to debate.  I would have expected an indigenous peasant costume or maybe a guerrilla get-up in the style of Hugo Chavez.

The other traditional costumes were more traditional.

Austria

Ghana

And what is the ethnic, folkloric costume of the United States of America?  It is like no other.  It is exceptional.

Miss USA Erin Brady

It is her real costume.  I am not joking.

The Kepler telescope suffered a mechanical failure this year and is unable to continue searching for new earth-like planets.  But enough data were produced by its three-plus years of operation to reach some rather remarkable conclusions.

A STUDY released in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science suggests that there are at least 8.8 billion planets in the Milky Way Galaxy matching Earth’s size and temperature requirements for life.

(The Milky Way Galaxy contains 200 to 400 billion stars.  And how many galaxies are there in the entire universe?  Current estimates are 100 to 500 billion galaxies, each of which has hundreds of billions of stars.  LINK  In other words, there could be a galaxy out there for every star in the Milky Way.)

 

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Britt Pommy of Liverpool writes, "Do you colonists ever get weary of calling yourselves exceptional?  Think how annoying it sounds when you claim you're the only country that can bring democracy to Abcdefghistan. 'Tis bloody daft, innit."

"Thank you, limey.  Try going to the dentist."

Yes we are exceptional.  We are unique among the nations of 8,800,000,000 planets.  On only ONE of these planets, in ONE NATION on that planet, does there exist aerosol cheese.  Nobody else -- nobody -- sells spray cheese in a can.

 

 

Your Daily Assault with a Mackerel

Swedish police are investigating an assault case involving a mackerel (LINK).  According to the police report, a man was sound asleep in his apartment when a woman came in and stole food from his refrigerator and 2000 kronor, or about $310.  Then, not content with the food and money, she grabbed a whole mackerel and started slapping the sleeping Swede in the face with it.

A spokesperson for the Nyköping police said they did not yet know how exactly the fish-wielding woman got into the apartment late at night, but they're pretty sure the man and woman know each other.

 

Your Daily Yahoo Best Answer

 

Your Daily Et·y·mol·o·gy

The health care debate turned into a fierce donnybrook when . . . wait, who is Donny?  And why does he brook all this violence?

This word is very old.  In 1204, King John gave a licence to hold an annual fair in Ireland.  Donnybrook was once a village on the high road out of Dublin, but it is now one of Dublin’s suburbs.

(LINK) The annual fair became a gathering-place for horse dealers, fortune-tellers, beggars, wrestlers, dancers, fiddlers, and the sellers of every kind of food and drink.  It was renowned in Ireland and beyond for its rowdiness and noise, and particularly for the whiskey-fuelled fighting that went on after dark.  In a 19th century account, “The only principle of the traditionary Irishman on his visit to Donnybrook Fair was, ‘Wherever you see a head, hit it’.”  The usual weapon was a stick of oak or blackthorn that Irishmen called a shillelagh.  The legend was that visitors to Donnybrook fair would rather fight than eat.

 

 

Your Daily Idiot from Florida

 

 

 

I drink whiskey whenever the detective drinks. When the grizzled TV detective sits down and says, "have a drink, Jack," I know he wants me to drink whiskey. My name is not Jack, but I know he means me. I know it has to be whiskey, it has to be now, and it has to be, yeah, single malt scotch.

To tell the truth, I do not keep single malt scotch whiskey on hand. Who does? It's expensive, and in the worst case, what if I like it? What if I blow through all my savings on rare whiskey and, say, coke and coke whores? It would be shameful. Nevertheless I finally overcame these irrational fears and bought the Glenfiddich.

And how is it? Mild, extremely soft and mild. There is the light hint of highland peat in its aroma and none of the hard bite of commercial whiskey. I could get used to it easily. It is redolent of a delicate apricot liqueur.

And yet it's too . . . gay. That's right, gay. I could never really be satisfied by a liquor that doesn't punch me in the mouth. Yep, it's back to the usual paint thinner scented booze for me.

Grandpa Frank played basketball for Syracuse for two seasons. I just found this out by accident.

He was the captain of the 1902 Syracuse Classical School team (today it would be called the Freshman team). In 1903, he lettered as a starting guard on the varsity team and also doubled as the team manager. He did not play basketball after his sophomore year.

Frank was also on the crew team, lettering in 1902 and again in 1905. I bet Grandpa Frank got a lot of tail. What do you think?

I knew him as a kindly white-haired duffer who gave me Brach's mints every week. In retirement, he converted his back yard into a vegetable garden and kept us supplied with fresh corn and squash. Besides that, the only biographical facts I am aware of are those given to me by my dad.

(I suppose I could find more information in the Mormon database, but it is too much work. Besides, I would be really cheesed off if I found out they baptized him as a moron mormon posthumously.)

Dad says Grandpa Frank lost both his parents while in high school in Kansas. He and his brother continued to support themselves on their Kansas farm. Frank was certainly a self-made man.

After graduation from college, Frank applied for work in the U.S. State Department, where he worked as a consul until he retired. My father was born in Zurich, Switzerland.

Other locales my grandpa worked in were Cuba, Mexico, and Canada. There were more. I never met my grandmother, who died of high blood pressure before I was born. In all these locales, she and her children -- my dad and my aunt -- accompanied him. They grew up alien and weird.

But in a good way. My dad was bilingual and taught me a lot about tolerance.

1. Chuck Berry Johnny B. Goode
2. Johnny Cash Get Rhythm
3. Aretha Franklin I Say a Little Prayer
4. The Beatles Here Comes the Sun
6. Bob Marley Three Little Birds
5. Louis Armstrong What a Wonderful World
7. Buddy Holly Peggy Sue
8. Joni Mitchell The Circle Game
9. Ray Charles & The Raelettes Hit the Road Jack
10. Elvis Presley Hound Dog
11. Curtis Mayfield & The Impressions People Get Ready
12. Billie Holiday & Her Orchestra Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off
13. Little Richard Lucille
14. Hank Williams Jambalaya (On the Bayou)
15. Frank Sinatra Fly Me to the Moon
16. Marvin Gaye I Heard It Through the Grapevine
17. Sam Cooke Wonderful World
18. Carole King So Far Away
19. Louis Jordan Caldonia
20. The Beach Boys In My Room
21. Ella Fitzgerald A-Tisket, A-Tasket
22. James Brown I Got You (I Feel Good)
23. Patsy Cline Crazy
24. Otis Redding That’s How Strong My Love Is
25. Nat King Cole It’s Only a Paper Moon
26. Stevie Wonder Signed, Sealed, Delivered I’m Yours
27. Bob Dylan Forever Young